i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
