whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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