My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
