Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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