Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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