so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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