we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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