piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
