I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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