Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
