I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
