just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
