Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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