Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
