i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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