i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
