problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
