Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
