would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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