So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
