I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
