I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
People in love make me want to vomit
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
