she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
