The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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