I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
