Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
