Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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