just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
