New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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