Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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