break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
