Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
