did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
