Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to calm my uterus...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
