Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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