He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
