Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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