Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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