I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
