i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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