btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
