90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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