he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
