just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Found your dick twin last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
