I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
