I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
