you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
