I puked a lego.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
