I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
