He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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