White coat. Heels.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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